NRA Passes the Buck to the EPA

RIP Charlton Heston: 1923 to NOT-SOON-ENOUGH

The face of the upper-middle class Connecticut was rocked, today, as a 20 year old gunman murdered his mother and slew over 20 constituents of Sandy Brook Elementary School, Newtown, CT.  In light of the recent slaying, Obama wept and effectively almost lost his shit -- you would, too.  Now calling for stricter gun legislations, the President of the USA was met with maleficent jocularity as NRA ombudsman, Wayne LaPierre, made a startling and sweeping statement to the press shortly after the hammer came down.

Mr. LaPierre told Fox News; "it simply should have happened, it's a travesty -- just still not as horrific as the looming threat to classrooms everywhere, much greater than black powder: asbestos!"  Now trailing off mid-sentence, "In a sample taken in that very classroom, a state inspector found 1.74 parts per million of asbestos!  In 40+ years those kids were looking at dying of cancer, anyway!"

LaPierre is petitioning the president, next week, to bear down on the EPA (Environmental Protection Agency) and make a formal inquest into the state of airborne carcinogenic particles in the atmosphere in public schools all across America.  Needless to say, atmospheric pathogens are obviously a bigger health risk than guns, cigarettes and monosodium glutamate all rolled into one!

Wayne also stated that we need more religion in them thar schools.  After all, if Jesus didn't want us to have guns, he would have turned all the worlds bullets into daisies.  LaPierre stated, also, that 'keeping teenagers away from firearms is even worse than giving teenagers condoms -- there ain't no God in them Liberal Satanists enough to defend our lands from them British without assault rifles, hollow point bullets and mooooonshiiiiine!!'

Bravo, Wayne LaPierre, bravo...

The US Presidential Race 2012 or Grim and Grimmer

Them's fightin' words!

In a mere seven days the voting will commence and the Americans will crown their new kingpin.  But which courgette with ears will be the victor?

We've not been presented with much of a choice (this being the nature of America's two party system) but of what little choice there is, what facts are to be considered?

If Obama is elected we can expect promises not broken, but kept only by the president and none of his cohorts in gov't -- I need only remind you of Gitmo and we'll all remember how Obama's seeming underlings in Homeland Defence and Security pulled the right strings to keep political prisoners, prisoners.  I wonder if he'd be waterboarded if he left office and went to spinning classes at that mosque they were going to allow to be built at WTC ground zero.

If Romney wins, we can expect four more years of the Bushs' NWO, rampant gun crimes increasing or at very least being maintained and illegal abortions sky rocketing (that last one is just a guess, but what else might the Republican party now have to axe in the name of all that is holy?).  One pleasant change, however, at least the Fox News Channel would be blissfully free of paparazzi photos of Obama endorsing Marlboros. 

Jesus the Red Neck

Published in the National Charlatan yesterday:

The Pope revealed, today, that a clandestine meeting between the Free Masons, Skull & Bones Society, News Corp., and the Roman Catholic Church yielded striking results, as it was clearly and succinctly agreed upon that Jesus Christ must have been an American.

University of Oxford Ambassador of Science, Richard Dawkins, confirms; “yes, it’s entirely probable that our collective memeology arose from a single and sweeping blow from American advertisers.  It is quite likely that Jesus would have endorsed Coca-Cola or Nike footwear.”

Coming as no surprise to the American public, the Grand Dragon of the KKK stated; “we’re all thrilled that there ain’t no un-English in our/them britches.”  Degenerates all over the South, tonight, are expected to expend no less than 30 000 rounds of ammunition and consume over 2 000 000 litres of moonshine whisky.

Sources from News Corp. also report that fire, the wheel, and Monty Python’s Flying Circus are also suspected to have been waylayed or hijacked by other cultures and are likely to have also originated in the Colonial United States.