Keep On Smiling? Diamonds Aren't Forever!

Street punk from Toronto?  I hadn't thought it possible for such a liberal city to get any more liberal... until Ungrateful Children; and where it rolls off, it really fuckin' rolls off into anarchy, contempt and political egress.  It simply doesn't get much better than this without a gram of coke and an Uzi!

Canada has never been known for its tough policies on anything, barring getting themselves out of the financial shit we're not in in the UK with poise and precision.  However, this does leave a gaping aperture to be filled by boots and other assorted articles of leather.  'Cause let's face, when things are too good, this is also bad!

Beneath and pearly white veneer the streets of Toronto teem with the punx who put it best as it is... drawing closer to the states as they are, the Canadians need to be aware that all new regimes become old regimes and fall.  Where to start with the anarchic antics?  Why not those very streets?

Ungrateful Children offer a new/old and quite fresh sound.  The angst burgeons and boils over into rivers of blood; suicide victims have never known the life to drain and bubble over quite like this!  The sounds of the new republic wash over the streets, and from the ashes of the first little bit of the new millennium -- waxed over with fallacious hope and good tiding -- is the new punk revolution that seeks to grip the streets of the GTA and knock six weeks of shit out of everyone who lives in their perfect worlds in which they are untouchable.

Fuck the system, lads!  It's on their heads, it's in their hands and the asphalt is unforgiving!  Listen to this shit or die!

The US Presidential Race 2012 or Grim and Grimmer

Them's fightin' words!

In a mere seven days the voting will commence and the Americans will crown their new kingpin.  But which courgette with ears will be the victor?

We've not been presented with much of a choice (this being the nature of America's two party system) but of what little choice there is, what facts are to be considered?

If Obama is elected we can expect promises not broken, but kept only by the president and none of his cohorts in gov't -- I need only remind you of Gitmo and we'll all remember how Obama's seeming underlings in Homeland Defence and Security pulled the right strings to keep political prisoners, prisoners.  I wonder if he'd be waterboarded if he left office and went to spinning classes at that mosque they were going to allow to be built at WTC ground zero.

If Romney wins, we can expect four more years of the Bushs' NWO, rampant gun crimes increasing or at very least being maintained and illegal abortions sky rocketing (that last one is just a guess, but what else might the Republican party now have to axe in the name of all that is holy?).  One pleasant change, however, at least the Fox News Channel would be blissfully free of paparazzi photos of Obama endorsing Marlboros. 

Johnny Depp Turns Up for Hallowe'en Party as Johnny Depp

Depp contemplates his own magnificence.

Of all the creeps and ghouls in the netherworld, there can only be one Hollywood hack who rises up above Freddy Krueger, Beetlejuice and Macaulay Culkin... his name is Johnny Depp and he'll infatuate your women and raid your shoe polish.

Turning up to a swank Hollywood Hallowe'en party dressed merely as oneself is normally thought of as being a bit of a faux pas... but when you're Depp, all things grim and morose are not just possible, they're probable.

"There's a whole lot of cheapo Hallowe'en costumes out there based on characters I've played," began Johnny D. "but truly my most challenging role is being myself... and no one has the patent or license on Johnny Depp!"

An enthused Depp, so enthralled by his image in a mirror, went on to say "yes, there's a reason women adore me, and its not my looks.  They see deep into my soul and see the darkness I am cast from and splay their effing pocket books to pay for my masses of Oil of Olay and cocaine."

As no surprise, Tim Burton will be casting everyone's favourite undead pretty boy in a tandem role with (wait for it) Helena Bonham Carter... prepare for another travesty of black and white stripes and way too much eye make up.

Sean Connery to Bid for Early Independence Referendum

Connery in the absence of his Walther PPK.

Realizing that he might not be alive by the time the Scots actually excise themselves from we accursed Brits, Sir Connery makes a heartfelt and frenetic plea to the Scottish parliament to just bail on Britain. This comes of no surprise to those of us who know well Connery's distaste for the Commonwealth and the United Kingdom, but can one man really be so preposterous as he in this situation?

Long time conterpart to Connery, Bond figure Roger Moore confirms "yes, Sean always did have very strong ideas about England and the British... it's why he puts so much money into Ronald McDonald Children's Charities."  And with the separation initiative McDonalds, Scotland will be introducing the celebratory 'McHaggis' and a plethora of other organ meat specials based on Scottish cuisine.

Coming as no surprise to the Queen, she merely commented that his Lordship would be hung from the gallows in the centre of London, had this been a century more equitable to the British Crown.

Still to come; Sean Connery parts the British Channel, turns sewage water into Whisky and bombs the hell out of London with Norwegian military money.  The experts agree, Scottish separatism is the way to go... until the bullets start flying, then only the Irish will be safe.

David Cameron Considers Jihad on British Soil

With Nick Clegg sleeping after another heavy dosing of Rohypnol and an extensive buggering by the Tories, Mr. Cameron takes a monetary sabbatical to see yet another nameless Muslim billionaire; this time with the promise of lining his pockets (wait, what do I mean 'this time'?).

After introducing Muhammad Asialififififaf to all things wrapped in bacon and on toast, Dave and his oil tycoon counterpart get down to the serious business of how to divide profits once oil prices rise in response to the two men's respective factions of the civilized world lobbing bombs at the other side for a number of weeks.

British Progress are quite excited about Cameron's proposed albeit clandestine bid to take trading the lives of his countrymen for fossil fuel pounds.

Necessity is the mother of all invention, war is good for business and Britain could really do with a Military-Industrial Complex all of its own.  These three facts are sealing the deal with British Tory PM, Davey Cameron... that and where else is he going to go to get a really good Balti?

Obama and Cameron Poke Fun at Handicapped Japanese Lad

David Cameron and Barrack Obama met, last weekend, for cigars, brandy and a rousing game of table tennis with a Japanese-American lad of 16.  Akira was thrilled to bits to have been visited by the leaders of the English-speaking world... until the press left and these dignitaries of Truth, Justice and the Anglo-American way started to wail and howl in hysterics at his club foot after he had fallen over from a risky pingpong manoeuvre which left him reeling on the floor.

Showing their true colours, the pair of world leaders went to help the lad up, then quickly retracting their hands, brushing them through their hair and simply stating oops, too slow.  Akira managed to find himself up right and quickly left the room crying.  Mr. Cameron suggested they raid his parents' liquor cabinet, but finding only sake and some rice cakes, they proceeded to defecate in the corner of the room and promptly left.

When asked, later, how the young lad, Akira, struck Mr. Cameron, he simply replied he reminded me very much of my own passed son -- a very brave boy.  And remember, this is the kind of man who's running the country until Nick Clegg can grow a pair.